Saturday, October 22, 2016

War Declared!

This morning a courier arrived at the ducal palace of Saxe-Coburn und Bucholz, bearing a a list of demands from the cabbage-loving upstart "Grand Prince" Dmitry IV Dmitrovich of Velikye Byelgorodniya.

The demands:
  1. All forces of the Duchy of Saxe-Coburn und Buchholz to quit the province of Nizhny Bublik forthwith.
  2. Markgraf Boris Ivanovich to be handed over to the Velikye Byelgorodniyan ambassadors to stand trial on charges of treason.
  3. Herzog Mikhail to make recompense and pay reparations to the Grand Prince to the amount of 100,000 gold crowns.
  4. All border posts to be restored and repainted in the appropriate colours.
  5. All sable hats to be rounded up and handed over for destruction in a ceremonial bonfire.
These shameful accusations cannot stand. In response, Herzog Mikhail Johann von Hollerenschaut IV has the following to say:
  1. At present there are no forces of Saxe-Coburn und Bucholz within the borders of Nizhny Bublik. How can something be withdrawn which is not in place? Clearly Dmitry IV has mistaken his own troops for those of Saxe-Coburn und Bucholz. Perhaps a visit to Gruber's Opticians (not by appointment) is in order?
  2. Markgraf Boris Ivanovich is clearly a Velikye Byelgorodniyan plant. With such a Slavic name how could he possibly be in any way related to Saxe-Coburn und Bucholz? Dmitry IV may do with him as he wishes.
  3. Herzog Mikhail will make no recompense for actions he did not undertake. Regardless, Saxe-Coburn und Bucholz does not use the debased "crown" as it's unit of currency, preferring a much more sensible monetary system.
  4. Saxe-Coburn und Bucholz is in no way responsible for the border posts of Velikye Byelgorodniya and will not enter into negotiations or accede to demands to provide trade labour for their maintenance.
  5. You can stick your sable hats where the sun doesn't shine!
In light of the above and as a consequence of the aggressive posture of Dmitry IV a state of  war now exists between Velikye Byelgorodniya and Saxe-Coburn und Bucholz. My God have mercy on our souls.


  1. The Duke of Tradgardland is watching events with great interest and mounting concern.

  2. In the words of a four-year-old Byelgorodniyan child, "Ooh, you big fibber!"

    If the province is vacant, I am sure you will have no objection to my army performing manoeuvres in the regions of Bystro and Blechnya?