Meanwhile, inside the war room...

"I told you it wouldn't work Hugo!" growls Herzog Mikhail, referring to the misinformation campaign regarding the presence of Saxe-Coburn und Bucholz troops in the disputed province of Oberer Süßen Bagel. "They might be cabbage-headed but they CAN use their eyes and ears sir."

"Yes sire, it appears you were correct after all." replied Generaloberst Hugo von Guus-Steppe. At the sight of a arched regal brow he quickly amends "I mean OF COURSE you were right sire, I simply meant it was worth a try..." [ahem!]

Both legible and accurate... Clearly not a Gruber original map!

"Hmmmm..." mutters Herzog Mikhail returning to the map table, apparently already distracted from what could have been an embarrassing contretemps, for Generaloberst Hugo at least. 'There's nothing for it then, we'll have to move in. Now where's the damned map?" he demands.

"This is it, the one with the beetroot for a compass rose and place names written upside down." answers the general.

"What? This thing? I thought it was a drop-sheet left behind by the painters! No wonder we're at war Hugo. Our disinformation plan is a shambles and our cartographer-in-chief draws with less skill than a... umm... no, wait, it will come to me... umm... Blast! You know what I mean. He CAN'T draw and he has no sense of direction for goodness sake!"

"We'll just have to make the best of it sire. After all, if we keep advancing North we'll eventually meet the enemy. Given the amount of vegetable matter they consume we'll have a good two or three days warning before contact. Our only problem will be the men keeping their own food down with the smell..."

"Very well then. Who have you put in charge by the way? Someone competent I hope!" says Herzog Mikhail in response.

"Absolutely sire. I've selected Generalleutnant Karl Vorwarts-mein-Kinder. Everyone else is on leave unfortunately." replies Generaloberst Hugo.

"But he's 102 years old and blind! He can't read anything at all, let alone a map!" cries the Herzog.

"Exactly my point sire..."