Friday, January 4, 2013

Advice from the Humble to the Mighty

From the Court of Dmitry IV of the House of Mikhailov, Grand Prince of Velikye Byelgorodniya, Grand Duke of Kapusta Zemlya, Hereditary Hetman of the Cassock Horde, Count of Novi Byelgorod, Grand Master of the Most August Order of the Golden Cockerel, and Companion of the Order of the Ancient Spoonbill;

To Maria Theresa Walburga Amalia Christina, by the Grace of God sovereign of Austria, Hungary, Croatia, Bohemia, Mantua, Milan, Lodomeria and Galicia, the Austrian Netherlands and Parma, Duchess of Lorraine, Grand Duchess of Tuscany and Empress Consort of the Holy Roman Empire, greetings.


We must confess some surprise at Your Majesty's recent loan of some of your loyal soldiers to our southern neighbour. We had thought that the affairs of smaller nations were of but little moment to the empires of the mighty, and find ourselves flattered that Your Majesty should take an interest in our matters of state.

We respectfully urge Your Majesty to consult your Imperial husband before making any further rash or precipitous decisions, and make bold to remind you of the unfortunate consequences of having failed to do so on previous occasions; the recent unpleasantness in Your Majesty's former domain of Silesia springs most readily to mind.

As Your Majesty has so perceptively observed, our children will, from time to time, throw their playthings from their cradles. At times such as this, it is best to retire to a safe distance, since these playthings may be hot, heavy, explosive, or all three. It is indeed fortunate that Your Majesty's loyal soldiers have had so much practice in retreating expeditiously from danger, as they might otherwise come to harm.

While even a shaven monkey may put to flight a Habsburg lapdog, so even a humble Byelgorodniyan Grenadier may clip the wings of the Habsburg eagle if it decides to swoop too closely over our beloved homeland. 


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